i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
