he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
