FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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