So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
