my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize