I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
