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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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