I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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