You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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