someone get that fucking seahorse.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
