dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
