does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
