there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
