Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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