mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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