Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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