I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
