if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
