dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
