It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
