Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
