At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
