i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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