It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
