There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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