So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
