I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
