Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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