I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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