Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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