I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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