After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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