and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
