So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
