if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
