I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
