I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
