I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there was a trapeze. enough said
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
