I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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