I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
high people should be assigned attendants
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
