if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
