but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
