Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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