If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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