Sober January is a disaster.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
