Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
they need to just BURY HIM!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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