theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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