My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
