why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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