having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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