3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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