It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
