I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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