Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She needs sedatives and a leash
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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