I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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