apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
vagina is talking i cant
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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