drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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