i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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