I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
