Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
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i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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