I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
