it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
