Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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