I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
