Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
