Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
