nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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