He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
