Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
