Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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