Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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