I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
