now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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