He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
