So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
