how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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