Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
