I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
