just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
