my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
