Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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