I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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