normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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