Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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