Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
